i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
