you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
