First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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