Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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