Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
