She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
how does that bad decision feel?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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