I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
