Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
