tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
