If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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