Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
