I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
