having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
