but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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