I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
