Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
