Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
