remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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