I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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