I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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