she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
3 2 1 whiskey
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
