Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
