So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
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I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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