You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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