2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
