Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
