Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
