it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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