If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
