we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
