Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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