im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
