next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
