I hate your face
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
