You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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