I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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