Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
