are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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