Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
