You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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