I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
