Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
