I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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