I wish my penis had an off switch
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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