Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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