I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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