Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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