matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
