We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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