I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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