OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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