i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
