quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
