Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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