I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
