Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
