who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
