we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
