whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Randomize
