My sheets look like a crime scene.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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