I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
