wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
