I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
