I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
