Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
